


Never Again

by Aspire_to_Inspire



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Valley of the End
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-12-26 20:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18289343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aspire_to_Inspire/pseuds/Aspire_to_Inspire
Summary: I'm not the most well-versed Naruto fan, but I am a sincere one, so I had a lot of feelings by the end of the first battle at the Valley of the End. Here's a one-shot of Sasuke's perspective on his victory and his loss.





	Never Again

Everything

I could see _everything_

Through the Sharingan, my eyes had preserved every moment perfectly, and replayed them, again and again, in an endless loop. I could see every detail of Naruto's movements. The tension of every muscle. The nearly unmeasurable power if his red Chakra. The fury, sorrow, memory, happiness, friendship, all having become one in his eyes. But that was not all I saw.

The rain. Was it cold?

I was so cold.

I could see everyone. I could see every moment, clear and full, when I had not been alone. Every dopey, love-drunk smile from Sakura. Every stubborn, idiotic smirk from Naruto. Every immature, masked grin from Kakashi. When I had fought for others, and they had fought for me. I knew this was my last farewell. There would be no more feeling for me. No more satisfaction when completing a jutsu. No more comradeship on three-day missions. No more sharing the pain and burdens of a fellow ninja. All at once, I could see everything, feel everything, because soon there would be nothing left.

Was this what it felt like to die?

The pain. Every halting step jarred through me, even the rain seemed to pound too hard against my battered body. The emotions within me twisted so hard it hurt unlike anything I'd ever felt, but I could not react. I suffered silently, both basking in what was certainly the last bit of pleasure I would ever feel and embracing the numbness that followed.

No. This was not what it's like to die.

This was what it's like to see others die.

I remembered feeling this way before. After my clan was murdered. Remembering all the things that would never happen again. My mother, never again to welcome me. My father, never again to watch me train. Not one member of my clan ever again to bid me good morning.

They were all dying. As my memories of them faded to blackness after their brief, final glory they were dying before my eyes. Naruto. Sakura. Kakashi. The other genin in my class. The Leaf Shinobi, from the Chunin to the Jonin to the Hokage. All of them. Never again.

I felt the sting of sorrow, but no sense of loss, because I had not lost their love; it had never truly been mine.

When I was young I had love. Like a leaf I drank in the warmth of my family, my clan mates. They were my sun, radiating a love strong and pure enough to keep me alive.

Itachi had shown me the night. So quickly I withered and grew cold in the darkness, lost in a nightmare that should never have been mine. The love I had borne with me, inside my heart, was poisoned by pain. Poisoned because I had carried Itachi's love too close, and he had turned it to hatred, a venom that infected me from within. It was there, in the darkness, my heart sick and crippled, that I accepted the pain that hatred brought, for surely the sickness of vengeance was better than a death of despair.

Then the moon rose, a pale imitation of the sun. A rival, a teacher, and a crush that became comrades, and comrades that became friends. And for a time, even though the light was faint, and the warmth fleeting, I was content. Even though I could never hold it in my heart, even though it was never really _mine_ , I was content to sit still and dream that I could follow a path in the silver moonlight.

Why did that dream have to break?

I was ashamed of the power Itachi had over me, over the hate in my heart. I was disgusted with how easily he had set fire to it, how he stood by and watched me burn. He had reminded me of everything I had dared to forget, and shamed me for my negligence. How could I allow my pain to imprison me in what little comfort the moonlight offered? Without my revenge, without my hate, I had no reason to exist. I was worth no more alive than dead.

I am a tragedy. A story filled with wishes for what could have been. If only I had not lived, but died when I was young rather than survive in such a broken existence. That was my brother's clever cruelty, to mutilate me rather than allow me to pass on with my soul still unmarred. If only I could have achieved my power another way, a way that would have preserved the lingering warmth of the sun and moon. I could have been a true shinobi, possessed love and returned it, and been healed of this wretched pain.

But it was not to be. And when I had seen the truth, when I had seen clearly the path that lay before me, I had not the will to turn from it.

I plunged into the night.

I had no future. The darkness was all I could see, and all I need know, as long as I followed my path. Let the darkness rip me to shreds. Let it infect and torment me. Let it erase all memory of how to love. I no longer feared death, for I knew I was worthy of it. My death would be a service to all those I may have cared for, and my life would mean the end of Itachi. Beyond that, I had no meaning. The only love I could cling to now was for my clan. I clung to the hurt of it to bring me clarity.

Let everyone now forget me, and for those who remember, let them hate me. My past cannot be changed, my actions undone, nor my course be turned from the path I have chosen.

The pain has overcome me, and, having destroyed everything I once was, now fades into nothingness. I cannot feel. I cannot go back.

Never again.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the earliest things I've written, and it feels a little sticky, but I'd still love any thoughts anyone might have, love it or hate it. Thank you for visiting!


End file.
